You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
