I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
