you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
