If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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