So drunk its hurt
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
