She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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