When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
