# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
