The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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