I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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