so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
