Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
