So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
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Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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