he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
