Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
