he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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