i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
