So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
