Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
