i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
