Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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