90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
