With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
