I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
