Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish I only lived at night.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
