He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
