Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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