I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
