look no pants
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
