You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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