Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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