it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You were trust falling into bushes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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