Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
