he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
