My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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