Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again