Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE