Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.