Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?