Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
