Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
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she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
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