unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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