ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
