do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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