Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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