I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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