how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You ruined the universe
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
