wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
