You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was a blind-side dick pic.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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