clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
