idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am naked and annoyed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
