I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The beer is more important than you right now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
