I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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