My friends, they love my intelligence
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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