What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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