For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
