i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
