I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
