Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
