Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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