and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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