She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
