my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
