he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
