His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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