walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
